So, my blog and I have taken part in an Easter celebration hosted by Julia at Lit a Flame. I’m so excited to be sharing this with you guys.
For this celebration, we were asked to share part of our testimony – something that God has done in our lives. And it wasn’t difficult for me to decide what to share.
A year ago, I experienced loss, depression, and a lot of other things. See, today I’m making plans to graduate from high school next year. I’m going to become a service dog trainer. But a year ago, that must have been the furthest thing from my mind. I wanted to raise goats. I wanted to run my own sustainable farm.
God certainly had other plans for my life.
Which brings me back to allergies. You know, the thing I blog about on every post. 🙂 While I can’t fully explain it, the dust from the barn, from the hay and wheat-containing grain we fed our goats, built up and affected me so badly, it got to the point where I couldn’t go into the barn.
Talk about discouraging. We had more than ten baby goats at the time – eight of which were to be the start of a sustainable agriculture program.
In a few short months, we came to the inevitable conclusion. My allergies were too severe to keep goats on our farm. A short while after we sold the last does and kids, we gave away all the chickens as well. Which made our land a farm without animals. And made me a teenage girl without a plan for her future.
Now, you’d have to know me for a long time to know how hard that hit me. From the time I was five or six years old, I had to know what I was going to do with my life. It took a great deal of convincing before I could accept what my mom told me about just “role-playing” until I got older. 😉
But when I latched on to the dream of raising goats, I didn’t let go. I wrote five-year plans, proposals for a grant, I even bought the foundation goats. And then the dream died. Was killed. Burned to the ground.
Nothing left but ashes.
Three months passed. Then four. Five.
To say I was discouraged would not suffice. I don’t want to count the amount of times I fell asleep while crying out to God, pleading for an answer to my consuming question: “What’s next?”
It wasn’t just that dream that I lost – it was my self-confidence. When I finally got on board with my family’s new venture of raising Goldendoodle puppies, it was with an enormous cloud of doubt hanging over me.
When we brought home our first Goldendoodle, Phoenix, God showed me the answer to my question – train service dogs. But I couldn’t allow myself much hope about this new possibility. What if I was allergic to dogs, too?
It was weeks more before I could finally let go of the doubt and the fear. Interestingly, it happened in church when the worship team played a song in which it says, “I’m no longer a slave to fear – I am a child of God.”
In that moment, the clouds rolled back. And I am no longer a slave to fear.
No longer a slave to doubt.
I’ve found my self-confidence frequently comes under attack, but God always lifts me out of it. I’ve been counted worthy by Jesus Christ, who died for me, just as I am. With all my messes and mistakes and bad decisions and imperfections. Just as I am.
What happened a year ago still hurts. And I can say this, I’ll never raise goats again. 😉 Yes, it still hurts. But I don’t regret it. You know why? Because now I am where God wants me to be.
What a beautiful reminder Easter is of this truth – there can be fire from ashes.
I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.Romans 8:18 NIV
Check out the rest of the Third Day Easter celebration!
Also, there is a REALLY cool giveaway to go along with this, so don’t miss that. You can find the giveaway here.